mistakes of my past

I used to sing when I was younger. I never thought the exercise of steady and deep breathing of my younger years would be my first and earliest training on the benfits of meditative breathing. All I remember was that I loved to sing. Whenever I sang I could connect to feelings and emotions not evident to those around me. I was touching, ever so lightly, so thread that binds us all.

There was a boy. A highly functioning retarded boy named "J", who always has the habit of singing "outside" of the group. A key concept of singing in a group is to strive to sound as one voice. to sing "within" a group is the highest ideal. J always would push his voice above the the rest of the group, and it angered me. I would become upset to the point where I would threaten him with bodily harm.

Now, in the midst of awakening self, I now realize J had something I wanted back then. The Tao was speaking more clearly to him than to me. I was jealous.

-nn